You're gonna miss me

I have often thought of myself as too nice...don't get me wrong, I can be the biggest bitch when I need to be....but all too often I am too nice...putting others ahead of myself. Now for most I don't mind this because it seems that positive out brings back positive in. I am a trusting person, except when it comes to my children. I don't even trust my own family to an extent with them. I feel as if I am a good judge of character, for the most part. I have been known to be wrong on occasion when it comes to judging someone's character, but this is because I have this way of seeing inside, seeing a side of people that they, maybe, don't even know about themselves. I have this way of seeing that vunerable side of people, a side they don't like to share. All too often, they will deny this side, if I were to ever bring it to their attention, and then quickly, cover this side up. It is a part of me, this seeing into people, that I would consider a curse at times. There have been times that I wish I hadn't seen that side, wish I didn't know such things. These things aren't often bad things, but they are things that make me believe in the person more than they believe in themselves. And when I can realize someone's potential...I often times expect them to live up to that potential...all too often this is when I get hurt, when my expectations are not met.
I have has such friends that haven't lived up to these expectations. I have had friends who are too consumed with themselves to even notice others around them. I have said to a few of them, when I have almost been pushed to my limit on the selfishness, that they will miss me when I am gone. But it doesn't change their actions. It doesn't change my hurt. All I can hope is that the experience will teach me something and it is my hope that I will learn such lesson. I do hope that I will leave a footprint on that person heart. I do hope that someday that person will miss me....not my in the physical sense....but me for what I represent....My kindness, the ability to believe, my smile...and I hope that footprint will leave them with a sense of warmth and maybe, just maybe, the ability to see beyond themselves.