Today I cried...Today I prayed.

I am completely amazed at people everyday...some of that amazement is good and other times, that amazement brings me to a real place of sadness and heartache and then the tears start to fall....

The tears fell today after I received a text from a friend in law enforcement. This person was going into a school to babysit, make sure nothing happens, to keep the peace among the students, if you will IN A SCHOOL dressed with things hanging off of a belt that I do not even want to know about....tasers, and gun (maybe) and who knows what else.

I sent this person a text that said, "My goodness, you're going into a school like that...Dear God, please help those children...it makes me so sad that they know no other way of life."

I followed with a text that said, "it just breaks my heart...like I'm really crying...those poor babies, shame on their parents."

I sat at my kitchen table and cried and prayed for those kids and for my friend and the heart that this person has to do the type of work they do.

I sat and reflected on where I came from...a broken home from Black Oak, the child of a biker, a drug addict, a womanizer, a childmolestor....I grew up in an environment where I am lucky to have made it out alive. There were many days that there were more drugs in my house than there was food in the home. I thought about the violence within the home, the negativity, the verbal abuse. I thought about my brothers and what they must have felt within that home. I thought about my mom and how she couldn't protect us but showed us love the best way she knew how. I thought about her telling us that we were to get a good education so that we didn't have to live as she did someday. I thought about how she wanted more for us. I grew up in an environment where I should be an addict myself, I should have been a troubled child in all sorts of mischief and bad things....this is what statistics tell me.

I thought about what it was that made me different...what gave me the drive to do better than I was taught. I do not really have the answer to that question other than I wanted more than what I had been placed before me and I had a mother that insisted we get an education and who expressed that we were to do better than she did. She wanted more for us.

I thought about those children within the walls of that school. I thought about their fears. I thought about the nights they may come home to no one. I thought about how they may not ever have anyone tell them they are better than their environment. I thought about how they may never have anyone tell them they are beautiful or have anyone tell them they are special and I thought about how they may never have anyone tell them they are loved. I thought about how they might see drugs within their homes or if they have anyone to cook them meals. I thought about the way they may feel as if they have no one or nothing and how they may have seen their parents obtain things illegally and they think this is the right way to do things. I thought about how they may have seen their parents live on welfare and still manage to do decent through illegal activity and think this is okay. I also thought about how some of those children will join in with a bad group of people just to feel as if they belong to something greater than themselves. I thought about how lost some kids are due to no fault of their own. I thought about how many will die or become imprisoned....and I cried.

Children are so receptive...they take everything in whether that is good or bad. They are so impressionable and just want to be loved and will do whatever they have to feel loved.

I thought about my children and I thanked God for them.

My children go to a school where there is a police officer that goes into the school from time to time. He is friendly with the kids, the kids like him...know him by name and will even wave to him on the street and talk to him if they see him out. He is a good, positive presence in the lives of the children within my children's school. Of course, I live in small community, with traditional families and community support. I live in an environment much different than I grew up in and much different than where my friend was going today.

The school this friend of mine was going into I do not know much about; I do know though it is not a area I would choose to live or an area I would make the choice to send my children to school in. Maybe the education is great, and I hope it is for these children. I hope that some of these children will find a mentor, a teacher, or a counselor that will steer them in the right direction. I prayed that these children will get a glimmer of hope and the drive of a champion to become the best positive outcome possible of themselves. I pray they see hard work as a good thing and they will realize anything worth anything in this world is worth fighting for...and I prayed they would fight for themselves.