11+ Memories of Mom

I had posted yesterday that I hated the Number 11...I linked this blog post to my Facebook account as I always do...kinda an insight to my mind for others to see if they choose. One person, my Aunt Shawnacy suggested that I find 11 ways to honor my Mom....and so she has inspired to do this now...to sit here in front of the computer and find 11 memories of my Mom...things I am sure that will make me smile and laugh and even cry but I am sure that it will all warm my heart.

1. At my wedding, I played Wind Beneath My Wings as a dedication to my mom....she was and remains the one who made me fly.
2. My mom was so talented...she could make anything from arts and crafts to crocheting and sewing and even made my wedding veil.
3. I secretly think my mom loved her grandchildren more than she loved her kids...haha...she would deny this.
4. My mom loved country music...and I think that Randy Travis was one of her favorites.
5. I remember my mom would never ever leave the house without her house cleaned or without her makeup on.
6. My mom used to come see me and my brother, Jon, at work and she would order a small vanilla "comb"
7. My mom was a horrible speller...really really bad, and her grocery lists would always make us smile.
8. My mom had a green thumb, of which I did not inherit at all....she could grown anything.
9. My brothers and I used to tease mom that when she swam she looked like a frog!
10. My mom was the solid foundation on such rocky ground!
11. Mom always chewed gum...her favorites were bazooka or watermelon flavored...although I do think she always had watemelon on hand so that us three kids didnt take it all.

Funny thing is as I sit here and type, I can think of so many more things....tiny little minor things, that maybe I haven't thought of in year...like how much she liked roses and antiques, or how she thought the sun and moon rose for Kylie. I can remember how she just glowed the day Jon graduated from college. I can remember her response at 5am when I called and told her I was pregnant. And really, I cant remember her being unkind to anyone....ever. I remember she loved unconditionally and whole-heartedly. And I remember the way she smelled and her laugh was contagious...but mostly, I remember that she loved me and I loved her and in the end...that is all that really matters.

Thanks Shawnacy...thanks for asking me to remember her as opposed to just missing her. Thanks for asking me to look within myself and see her!

And Mom....thanks for making me the incredible woman I am today!

And this brought to you by the Number 11

And this brought to you by the Number 11....kinda makes me think of Sesame Street...which by the way celebrated 40 yrs today. But, no, this time it is not about Sesame Street; this time it is about my weird, weird thing....almost hatred for the Number 11. Seriously, this number creeps me out. Now, I have a friend, Kim, who has told me that the Number 11 is suppose to be angelic of sorts.....I DO NOT BUY THAT AT ALL! So so many bad things have happened in my life that revolve almost around the Number 11. My first car accident was on the 11th. My parents got married on November 11 (11-11) and my mom died on November 11 (11-11). Then there was September 11th. Our dear friend died on a date in which the numbers add up to 11. Seriously, the list goes on and on. Even when I went looking at homes to buy several years ago...I found a house that I liked and wanted to see...but when I looked at the address...yep, you guessed it...the house numbers equaled 11...couldnt even see the house then. I have this weird thing about it...I have tried to push it to the side, but it is always lurking in the shadows.
Tomorrow brings about another 11 in my life....My mom will be gone 11 years tomorrow. Where did that time go? 11 years...just poof and it is gone...11 years! So tomorrow will be a day where I will do everything in my power to turn it over to God...just give it all to him...and hope for sunshine, but I am almost certain it will rain.

love goes on and on

Death is a rather hard concept for most to understand...I am not really sure that anyone really truly understands death....Sure, it is the process or lack of process where the body no longer functions...the time when time is up. Maybe, we can begin to wrap our minds around it, but can we ever really get our hearts to understand?

This is something that I have thought about many times. I have buried my mom, and my brother and there are many, many times that I have picked up the phone to call or thought I can not wait to tell them this, that, or the other. So many times I have wanted to let them know about so many things...the things the kids have done, finishing college, starting a new job, or just matters of the heart. My mind knows they are gone...but my heart, my heart will never understand.

Today is the day that we are going to go to the hall and have a memorial service for my father-in-law. A day to remember the good times, and maybe the little silliness or quirkiness of his ways. Hopefully, it will be a day of laughter and not so many tears. A day of finding the positive in all of this tragedy. But I am sure there are many sad days to come...days of trying to find closure.

For most a funeral service is a two-fold....a very sad time, a time of loss, and it is also a time for closure...a time to see the body to try and convince your heart what your mind has been told. This death of Mike's father is going to be a little more difficult for Mike....his dad was on vacation....in the place that he loved...when he passed unexpectantly....Mike wasnt there, he didnt get to see him...didnt get the chance to see what his mind was told....no real way to convince his heart. No real closure. I know what it is like to lose a parent, but I had the chance to say goodbye....for Mike his dad just went on vacation...only to never return.
I do pray that Mike can find closure, that he will find a way to say goodbye, a way to let go and a way to realize that love doesn't end in death....love is something that goes on and on.