She's driving...where did the time go?

It seems like a week ago, I was looking at the ultrasound photo of my baby girl as she flipped around and kicked at the girl performing the ultrasound.

I knew from that moment, that beautiful baby inside my womb would be a spitfire and my suspicisions were right!

It seems like yesterday that I went to the hospital to have that little precious girl, and it seems like a minute ago that she was driving around the back yard in some battery powered vehicle...

But today....as tears fell from my eyes and I climbed into the passenger seat....

She began to drive my car!

The tears were tears of happiness for her, and also a tear or two fell as it hit me that she has grown to be such a beautiful young lady faster than I would have liked. But she has developed into this beautiful being and has such class, and passions, and she has a beautiful personality. She has grown into someone that I am very proud of.

I just dont know where the time went...how did she go from that cute little toddler that would stumble and fall and when something went wrong she would say in her little reassuring voice, "its okay, its an accident mommy" to this beautiful being sitting behind my steering wheel? How did this happen? Where did the time go?

I pray that God will be with her always as she is learning to drive. I pray that he will keep her safe when she is looking elsewhere or her mind is drifting while she is driving. (it is a scary thing to put your child in the seat of a car where she controls everything). I pray that God will give me patience, and understanding, and tolerance, and that He will allow me to remember what it was like to be 15 and full of excitement and wanting to drive. I pray that she will have some patience with me as well.

I don't do......families.

What a neat thing to see....a family interacting, sharing memories. Oh, I love to hear about the family vacations and the holidays and just the memories that they have all shared. Families, happy families, will always share their experiences and their love, especially big families and I am happy for them. Happy that they have had the chance to share in something so wonderful. Families are amazing to me and a sadness to me as well.

I don't usually pick friends with families!

I only pick friends with small families that don't really gather together that often....I guess, that is easier for me. Lessens the hurt to a degree.

Out of sight, out of mind, kinda philosophy.

This philosphy works for me most of the time...I definately do not do female families at all...no way....one could not even pull me into that for all of the money in the world...I will never partake in that as that is too painful. The concept of sitting down to lunch of dinner with a group of women sharing a history, or blood...really makes my blood turn cold...that is not a place I will ever go.

But tonight, I was sitting with a friend of mine and her family...wonderful family...you could feel the love in the room. The way they all talked and laughed and remembered the olden days was completely amazing to me. I don't know what that is like. I sat and I listened and I took it all in. They had me laughing and enjoying their stories....mesmerized really at the thought of this is what it is like to belong to something much greater than yourself...and in turn have that contribute to who I am in a positive manner.

I have never had that...family...never belonged to that.

Growing up it was essentially my mother and two brothers and myself. My father came and went from time to time, but he was never part of the family. I had no maternal family at all. I had paternal grandparents but they moved when I was in 4th grade and I never really heard from them again until I was an adult and sought them out...but no history of being a family exists there. No family vacations, no holidays, no family get togethers, no days of just hanging out and having fun....these are memories that I will never have or I will never experience the love of a family in that manner and sometimes that is painful for me.

I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I drove home with tears in my eyes tonight from such a wonderful experience...but the tears fell as I talked to God and thanked him for allowing me to take part in that for the moment. Reinforces to me that I can make a difference in the memories of my children and that things that we do, the laughter we share. I still have no family except for my brother, that hasnt changed and that is not going to change anytime soon, really wont change until I have grandchildren but when I do, I plan to start those kinds of memories for my grandbabies. I cannot change things for my kids in the sense of family gatherings and grandparents but I can do that best that I can to let them know they are loved and I think they know that.

I told my friend she was one lucky kid tonight after I had left her house. She responded saying she knew and that she was so grateful....I hope she truly understand just how lucky she is.